June 2nd, 2005


Funny how things work out

I wrote this last week:

I'm very honest.
Proabably too honest for my own good actually, so if you don't want an
honest answer, don't ask. I'm working on discretion being the better
part of valor with some answers now, but it's an ongoing process. I'm
also a problem solver / advice giver to a unhealthy degree, so I've had
problems in the past with people telling me their problems and me
giving them advice that they really didn't want. So I've also been
learning sometimes people just want somebody to JUST listen.

And today I see this from somebody I didn't listen to in the past.

-- Leo Buscaglia

When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way;
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.


All I asked was that you listen,
Not to talk or do… just hear me.
Advice is cheap: 25 cents will get you both Dear Abby
And Billy Graham in the same newspaper.
And I can do for myself.
I'm not helpless.
Maybe discouraged and faltering, but not helpless.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do
For myself, you contribute to my fear, inadequacy and dependency.

But, when you accept as a simple fact that I do feel
What I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you,
And I can get about the business of understanding
What's behind this irrational feeling.
And when that's clear, the answers are obvious,
And I don't need advice.

Irrational feelings make sense, when we understand
What's behind them.

Perhaps that's why prayer works, sometimes, for some people,
Because God is mute, and he/she doesn't give advice or
Try to fix things.
"They" just listen and let you work it out for yourself.
So please listen, and just hear me.
And, if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn,
And I'll listen to you.

Which just goes to show some lessons you need to learn the hard way.
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