Today in the world of freedom, there is a voice that cries in the darkness.
Fear the cries of the chained yearning to be free, fear the ocean that longs to touch the tide.
Captain of my soul, free these bindings on my heart and let me breathe the clean crisp mountain aire.
Bestill my heart love, you have come from the darkness like a candle and burn just as dangerously.
But never fear, the icons of commericalism are the super heroes of tommorrow.
The Pilsbury Doughboy and Captain Crunch can vanquish our enemies far better than military might.
Kneel before The Jolly Green Giant!
No one may pass the moon river save by his hand.
Pizza Pizza! What you say? Ride the lightning anyway.
The Doozers and the Fraggles live in Fraggle Rock.
There's a curtain over the mirror, and an old skull on the clock.
OkCupid Type: Backrubber/The Slow Dancer
Oh, and from alt.humor.best-of-usenet -
We are the Valkyries
And our boss is Queen Brunnhilde
She's as strong as Stilton cheese
And as butch as Bob the Builder...